only just always

I dont understand anything anymore

nothing makes any sense..

am I just stupid when it comes to life

naive, gullable and unaware?

I feel so lost sometimes, like a child

wandering alone in a giant place

where nothing fits me and I am so scared

some things I see make it all clear to me

and safe and warm at peace

then shadows run across the walls

and how is it that I imagine a world

so beautiful and alive touching the energy

inside of me like little storms

but then it turns out to be so unreal

how do they do it, all of the hurting

and scheming, machinations, deliberations

things I would never see

On the edge of a cliff I seem to be

always hanging on for dear life

looking up into a face so familiar

wanting to be rescued but having

to climb up on my own

cold shivering tired

and now again looking for that

star, that rain, the thing that

washes away my pain and clears

up the sadness in my head

only you..only just always

like dancing demons circling

burning me again and again

I dont want to hide anymore

or run for cover and dark

I want to feel the sun

raise myself aloft

take that leap

into your arms

over and over till the end

of time, never regretting

never pretending

always believing, dreaming

running full speed

taking it all in

brave, and certain someday

that is where I long to be

with you..only just always

its what you say

and I do listen, learn

try to keep the balance

try not to sink into the madness

open I am and if that is wrong

I am not sorry, because there

is no other way, not for me

Let them strike me, words

or deeds I am not broken

not completely, just healing

and working on this puzzle

called life. Come with me

because your hand feels so

good in mine..only just always